R U Listening? 17-Year-Old Entrepreneur Gives Kids Access to Counseling via Text Messages

Interview with Digital Daughter Ambassador Jamie Spelling

When Jamie was 14, she started a Tumblr blog to generate some laughs.  It quickly became evident, however, that along with the giggles, her adolescent followers were using her Tumblr account to voice their concerns and to get advice on common teen problems.  Jamie’s following grew and grew, and now, three years later, she has over 60,000 followers – many of them tweens and teens desperate to be heard, and potentially in need of counseling. 

Something had to be done.  But, how could she, a teenager herself, help?  How could she make teen counseling as accessible as possible?

For this generation of "screenagers," a line no longer exists between the real world and the cyber world. A 2012 Pew Internet & American Life study found that texting is the dominant form of communication for teens. And, in a recent CNN special report, “#Being13: Inside the Secret World of Teens,” CNN reported that many teens use social media to cry for help when they are sad, angry and confused. 

With her inbox filled with 20,000 messages, Jamie, a bright, charismatic and empathetic teen – and one of my amazing Digital Daughter Ambassadors – has been experiencing this new and troubling phenomenon firsthand.  She decided to do something about. 

#Being13 in 1978: "It's a Heartache"

The original selfie, Woolworths' photo booth, 1978

What was it like #Being13 in 1978?  A few words come to mind including awkward, unpopular, pimple-faced and theatre-nerd.  But, was it all that bad?

Certainly 13-year-olds today are feeling the same anxiety at not being part of the popular crowd, suffering mockery by the class bully, and exercising their individuality in the face of potential rejection. I know.  I recently raised two 13-year-olds, a daughter and a son (now 16 and 14).  

But, with the advent of the Internet, and our digital kids unprecedented access to influences via the omnipresent smartphone – with selfies, Snapchat and sexting - this generation of 13-year-olds are faced with a whole new array of angst-ridden challenges, including FOMO, “phubbing” (phone snubbing), cyber-bulling and getting enough “likes” on Instagram.  They have grown a new appendage – a constant companion that connects them 24/7 and begs for their attention.  Where we used to put combs in our back pockets, they put phones.   

My memories of #Being13 are more than a bit foggy. Luckily I have two hand-crafted scrapbooks filled with photos that bring me back; all due to my sentimental dad who inspired me to chronicle my life using snapshots, glue and magic markers (and affirmed by Kodak's Times of Your Life commercial, “Do you remember baby, do you remember the times of your life?). The photos are fuzzy and the pages worn, but the memories live on – my first overnight school trip to Washington D.C. and visiting the Capitol, our family vacation to Hershey Park, my sister and I riding the Super Dooper Looper five times and gorging ourselves on chocolate, lots and lots of camp photos, and the National Honor Society Award ceremony (caption reads, “My most embarrassed look!”).

Growing Up with “Dr. Google” – A Prescription for Stress or Empowerment? Digital Daughters Weigh In...

Your 14-year-old daughter tells you that she is worried about a dry patch on her elbow, a sore on the tip of her tongue and a bent eyelash that hurts when she blinks.  She has been Googling her ailments, and fears the worst.  You: 

A. Call the doctor immediately.

B. Tell her that you will use your search engines to diagnose her ailments and get to the bottom of them all.

C. Tell her not to worry.  Let her know that while these small ills are worth looking into, they are probably also worth a giggle, and they will surely go away.

D.  Call 911! 

For every lump, bump, rash, pain, pimple and bruise, kids today have constant access to an always on-call “Dr. Google” – an omnipresent option for self-diagnosis.  But, is the ability to search the Internet’s health sites a good thing for our adolescents – offering them helpful information, self-awareness and self-diagnoses - or are we raising a future generation of hypochondriacs?

“My Mom is Like…Whatever!” - Life, liberty and the inherited teenage right to speak with conviction (but can we reduce the number of “likes”? And, are we to blame?)

It is the right of every teenager to find their parents exceedingly annoying and embarrassing.  And, as parents, it is our duty to have a thick skin and to stay the course, giving them the assist, the emphatic push, the knowing advice when they need it – and even when think they don’t.  But nothing is more irritating, and met with more eye-rolls – on both sides – than the verbal correction.   

I have two teenagers of my own – one independent, tolerant soul, and one green with mortification at my mere presence in the company of his peers – and both with their own verbal crutches.  I often have to bite my tongue to not constantly correct their likes, ahs, ums and ya’ knows.   (e.g. “Ya know, mom, I can’t even believe you brought the dog to my soccer training and had to have every player like pet her?”)

The truth is, teenagers make for enlightening and heady company.  I love being around them, even if they’d rather I made myself scarce.  But the way teens communicate with all of those “likes, ya knows, totallys and whatevers” gives me pause.  Where do they get this post “Valley girl” lexicon and why is it so pervasive?  

This Summer’s Media Tsunami Over the Way Women Speak: 4 Camps – Who Are You Bunking With?

Whether it be an Amy Schumer parody, an NPR thoughtful “trialogue,” a linguist, doctor, student or an ex-Google executive’s take, this summer’s media tsunami over whether the way women speak affects how they are perceived continues to splash up on our shores.  But like sand in your bathing suit, why is the issue so irritating and why is it creating such a rash?   

We’ve obviously hit a (vocal) nerve.  We all want to speak in a way that inspires confidence – that compels others to listen.  To build rapport, to gain consensus, to be civil in our discourse, many women (including yours truly) use uptalk, filler words (so, like, ya know?) and apologies as a more humane way of communicating.  But the fact is, for better or worse, the way we speak does affect how we are perceived.  Today’s verbal fashion trends – vocal habits including filler words, up-talk, vocal fry and incessant apologizing -- are contagious and pervasive.  They weaken our speech, making us sound unsure, and yes, maybe even incapable.  

Suffice to say, I am fascinated by this summer’s voice-patrol-mania, the abundance of coverage, the positions taken, bragging rights, and the breadth of outlets that are making this issue their feature story.  With my own #sayitlikeyoumeanit mantra and blog – I’ve had my ear to the sand, tracking the coverage.  

So, who is winning the media war over the way women speak?  

The Only Screen for Summer?

Day two.  Post an awesome sleep-away camp adventure.  And, along with my two-shades-browner, one-inch-taller son, I find myself once again disturbed by familiar unwanted guests in the house, albeit of the virtual nature.

Two days ago we made the hike up to New Hampshire’s breathtaking white mountains to pick up my fourteen-year-old, Jake, and already I am yelling at him to turn off his video game.  I know many of you have been wrestling with those oddly realistic animated sports stars and beckoning monsters for weeks now (weeks = eternity), and are desperately seeking some kind of remedy to get your kids off the screen, outside and on the move.  If only there was a Vitamin O (“Keep in reach of children”) that would mentally orient our kids O-ffline and O-ut the door.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the average kid, ages 8-18, spends more than seven hours a day looking at screen media.  Yikes!  Of course, I am no Luddite, but for summer, the only screen kids should really use is sunscreen.

Like Hire Me? Why the Way We Speak Matters and What We Can Do About it

In the words of Joan Rivers, can we talk? 

This week’s print and social media tsunami over whether the way women speak affects how they are perceived made me want to post #SayitLikeYouMeanit all over Twitter (which I actually did a bit of)!  It was instigated by former Google employee Ellen Petry Leanse's commentary for Cosmopolitan over the “permission word” “just,” and a piece in Fortune, “Like, Totally Don’t Talk Like This to Get Ahead in Business,” The coverage has been passionate, dissenting and informative.

The fact is, for better or worse, the way we speak does affect we how we are perceived.  Verbal habits including filler words, up-talk, vocal fry and incessant apologizing (See Amy Schumer’s "I'm Sorry" parody) can weaken our speech, making us sound unsure, and yes, maybe uneducated.  Whether you are giving an oral presentation, interviewing for a summer internship or a job, meeting with a college recruiter, or engaging colleagues at a meeting, sounding self-assured and speaking articulately is paramount to being taken seriously.

The good news is that none of these disfluencies are pathological (although hearing five “likes” in your colleague’s or child's every sentence may seem so).   The way we speak - women and men alike - is behavioral and we could all use a little more awareness and intervention.