R U Listening? 17-Year-Old Entrepreneur Gives Kids Access to Counseling via Text Messages

Interview with Digital Daughter Ambassador Jamie Spelling

When Jamie was 14, she started a Tumblr blog to generate some laughs.  It quickly became evident, however, that along with the giggles, her adolescent followers were using her Tumblr account to voice their concerns and to get advice on common teen problems.  Jamie’s following grew and grew, and now, three years later, she has over 60,000 followers – many of them tweens and teens desperate to be heard, and potentially in need of counseling. 

Something had to be done.  But, how could she, a teenager herself, help?  How could she make teen counseling as accessible as possible?

For this generation of "screenagers," a line no longer exists between the real world and the cyber world. A 2012 Pew Internet & American Life study found that texting is the dominant form of communication for teens. And, in a recent CNN special report, “#Being13: Inside the Secret World of Teens,” CNN reported that many teens use social media to cry for help when they are sad, angry and confused. 

With her inbox filled with 20,000 messages, Jamie, a bright, charismatic and empathetic teen – and one of my amazing Digital Daughter Ambassadors – has been experiencing this new and troubling phenomenon firsthand.  She decided to do something about. 

The Only Screen for Summer?

Day two.  Post an awesome sleep-away camp adventure.  And, along with my two-shades-browner, one-inch-taller son, I find myself once again disturbed by familiar unwanted guests in the house, albeit of the virtual nature.

Two days ago we made the hike up to New Hampshire’s breathtaking white mountains to pick up my fourteen-year-old, Jake, and already I am yelling at him to turn off his video game.  I know many of you have been wrestling with those oddly realistic animated sports stars and beckoning monsters for weeks now (weeks = eternity), and are desperately seeking some kind of remedy to get your kids off the screen, outside and on the move.  If only there was a Vitamin O (“Keep in reach of children”) that would mentally orient our kids O-ffline and O-ut the door.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the average kid, ages 8-18, spends more than seven hours a day looking at screen media.  Yikes!  Of course, I am no Luddite, but for summer, the only screen kids should really use is sunscreen.

Behind the Screen: Digital Daughter, Teen Mentor and Superstar Lauren Galley

Lauren Galley, DDA, Teen Mentor and Founder of Girls Above Society

Like most girls today who are growing up tethered to their tech - connecting and socializing via the screen - many of my Digital Daughter Ambassadors (DDAs) have been profoundly influenced by experiences with cyber bullying, sexting, text dating, FOMO and the like.  I'm honored to introduce you to my DDA Lauren, who has not only risen above and beyond her own middle school tech nightmare, but is doing something about it in a really big and meaningful way…

Meet Lauren Galley, teen mentor and founder of Girls AboveSociety, her non-profit born out of her own personal angst-ridden experience and a desire to help girls everywhere cope and thrive in our digital world.  

Back in January, Lauren and I met on Twitter (of course!) and I continue to be blown away by her dizzying schedule, pure dedication and unending list of accomplishments. At age 20, she has just finished her sophomore year at SHSU and is pursuing a Masters in Psychology. Lauren is a TEDx Speaker, Huffington Post Contributor, Official Ambassador for Secret Deodorant’s Mean Stinks Campaign, and just wrote a book, “Kissing Frogs:In Search of Prince Charming.” Most recently, she is working on a course in cyber citizenship for the Texas Education Agency,

I asked Lauren about social media, social anxiety, the importance of speaking articulately and with confidence, and her generation’s future.  Here's what she had to say...

Hillary Says it Likes She Means it!

Are you excited for #HillarysBigAnnouncement?  Whether or not you are a Democrat or a fan of Hillary Rodham Clinton, she IS the first female front-runner for the biggest office in the land.  

Hillary Rodham Clinton is surely the expert at "Saying it Like She Means it!" and was profiled in my Top 10 Female Role Models and Communicators of 2014.  As a powerful and passionate advocate for girls' and women's rights globally, Clinton has often said that there cannot be true democracy unless women's voices are heard.

Clinton is using social media to announce her candidacy and although she is a 67-year-old baby boomer and a grandmother, you can be sure that she will be capitalizing on all social channels and digital marketing tools to convince us - Gen X, Y, Z, fellow baby boomers and The Greatest Generation" - as to why she deserves to be our next president.  It will be the most digitally-fused election to date.

Give Them Roots, Wings and Virtual “Busy Signals” – The Greatest Generation on the App Generation

What does The Greatest Generation think of the App Generation? 

Upon surveying her friends, my very wise 80-year-old mom explained that when it comes to social media and cell phones, there is a wide range of understanding, but almost a unanimous opinion…they are concerned.  

 

We may giggle along with eSurance’s commercial where to save time, Grandma Beatrice literally posts her vacation photos “on her wall.”   But there is some brilliant truth, and several layers of insight, when her friend declares, “That’s not how it works.  That’s not how any of this works!”

How does it all work?  Or, is the better question, “Is it all working?”  When it comes to parenting and texting, my mother is especially concerned. 

“Why do Amanda and Jake need to text you from school with every little thing?  How are they suppose to make any of their own decisions when they are wirelessly tethered to you?”

We all grew up in the age of corded phones, telephone booths, busy signals and collect calls.  If we needed our parents, we could connect, but it took some effort and we often had to wait it out.  But, now our text-messaging enabled smartphones offer instant gratification.  And, knowing that our teens have a phone, literally in their back pockets, alleviates anxiety for both parents and kids.

No doubt, we are living through a sociolinguistic transformation brought on by the ubiquitous Internet.  Not just a media culture shift (radio, TV, computer, Smartphone), but also a communications culture shift where the majority of us are texting junkies, and use hash tags and smiley faces to communicate.  With our digital natives as the experts at putting all of these new communications tools into practice, we are, fortunately or unfortunately, compelled to follow.

Growing Up Female & Social - Part II: What Teens Wish We Understood

Our parents had it so easy…a letter was theirs to be sneakily read, a phone call, to be eavesdropped.  But we live in a world of pinging secret text messages. Codes, acronyms and apps never to be translated – or even known.  It’s another shift.  A new vocabulary with apps that are missing vowels (tumblr), and acronyms that are meant to leave us out of the story (PIR: Parent in Room).

Where is Benedict Cumberbatch (a.k.a. Sherlock, Alan Turing) when you need him?

Welcome to the new reality.  But what feels like a tidal shift to us, is just a new software update for our teens.

When I bring up teens and social media with my friends, we share the eye roll; the heavy sign; the shaking of the head.  And, inevitably, one of us gives voice to the old lament – the refrain of generations past, “What’s to become of kids today?”

In this, “Growing Up Female and Social - Part II,” I reveal my Digital Daughter Ambassadors answers to what they think we don’t get about social media and what they would like us to know.  

Growing Up Female and Social – Survey Says…

Digital Daughters

It’s 2015, and our kids are 'gramming, texting, Snapchatting, tweeting and streaming.   

The distracting noise level on social channels is amplifying while the length of thoughtful prose is diminishing.  

Don’t despair…

Social media and its octopus-like tentacles that reach out and poke our kids – cajoling them to “like,” “follow” and “post” – are intimidating, and worrying, especially when new apps crop up like weeds.  But when I looked to my Digital Daughter Ambassadors (DDAs) – tweens, teens and young women from around the country – to get insight into how they were managing with the proliferation of ways to communicate (text, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Google+, Tumblr – and face-to-face), I found a lot of wisdom.

My very unscientific questionnaire of  “Growing Up Female and Social” is just an ear to the ground.  But I am already hearing echoes, and they offer important insights on what a diverse group of girls, my DDAs who hail from New York to Pennsylvania, Maryland to Minnesota, California to London, England - really think about social media, how they use it, and why they love it so much.

Here are some initial insights from the questionnaire, showing our girls to be wise to both the downfalls and upshots of social media. 

Insta-Fame or Insta-Shame: The Instagram Game

* This story was contributed by Amanda H. Cronin, my own Digital Daughter.

Illustration by Koosje Koene

A few days ago, I was scrolling through my camera roll when I came upon a photo that I had taken about a year ago. I was supposed to be doing my homework, but it was #throwbackthursday so I simply needed to post something. Seven minutes had passed and I was still cropping, brightening, and saturating the image to look vivid and professional. By the time I hit the “share” button (after spending a minute or so coming up with a clever caption and location), I had spent fifteen minutes posting a picture on Instagram. And I was proud of it.

Do you have an Instagram account? Odds are, yes − and you are one of the 75 million people that use the app daily. According to recent stories from CBS News, techcrunch.com, and TIME Magazine, Instagram is the most popular form of social media and is gaining popularity every day. There are myriad reasons for its wild success, but there’s one clear frontrunner: the connection users feel to others. 

Top 10 Tips to Say it Like You Mean it!

Speaking articulately and with confidence is paramount to our success!  

I know you have heard me say that before:-).  But, at my recent panel presentation, I offered a top 10 list to Say it Like You Mean it.  I hope my audience found the list helpful and I wanted to share it here with my wonderful blog community.  

So here it is...And, if you'd like, please sign up to receive my blog via email...

10 Tips to:

Say it Like You Mean it!

1.     Be aware of your own verbal tics:  Do you say “like,” “ya know,” “whatever,” “totally,” etc.?  Hone in on what unnecessary words pepper your speech with mindless repetition and work on getting rid of them.

2.     Learn to brave the pause:  Instead of filling what should be empty spaces in our speech with “ummms” and “ahhs,” take a breath and allow yourself and your colleagues to absorb your thoughts and ideas.

3.     Speak with conviction and avoid “uptalk.”  The upward glide or “uptalk” that ends would-be statements in a question mark is often used by women to gain consensus and likeability, however, it does not inspire confidence.

4.     What happens in rehearsal ends up on stage:  Before an important interview or presentation, rehearse in front of a video camera.  You may be surprised at your own verbal crutches, and the videotape doesn’t lie.

5.     Find a great speech from an eloquent speaker (e.g. Hillary Clinton, Sheryl Sandberg, FDR) and read it aloud.  Hearing what good writing sounds like will reinforce good communication habits and help you develop your own voice.

6.     Avoid the baby voice trap:  To feign innocence, illicit sympathy and seem appealing to men, some women raise the pitch of their voices.  Don’t.

7.     Stop apologizing: Don’t be afraid to say what you want.  It is not necessary to start sentences with, “If you don’t mind,” or “I’m sorry, but…”

8.     Leave vocal fry to the Kardashians. Inspired by our celebrity stars, a new study finds that this pop-culture “creaky voice” that has found its way into our speech patterns may affect women’s chances of getting and keeping a job.   

9.     Enlist your own personal verbal coach: Yes, it will be irritating for both parties, but find someone you trust who is willing to call out your verbal tics, correct and refine them.  

10.  Keep your social media feeds clean: What you write on social media channels translates into how you are perceived.  Make sure your competence shines through in the written word as well.