Like Hire Me? Why the Way We Speak Matters and What We Can Do About it

In the words of Joan Rivers, can we talk? 

This week’s print and social media tsunami over whether the way women speak affects how they are perceived made me want to post #SayitLikeYouMeanit all over Twitter (which I actually did a bit of)!  It was instigated by former Google employee Ellen Petry Leanse's commentary for Cosmopolitan over the “permission word” “just,” and a piece in Fortune, “Like, Totally Don’t Talk Like This to Get Ahead in Business,” The coverage has been passionate, dissenting and informative.

The fact is, for better or worse, the way we speak does affect we how we are perceived.  Verbal habits including filler words, up-talk, vocal fry and incessant apologizing (See Amy Schumer’s "I'm Sorry" parody) can weaken our speech, making us sound unsure, and yes, maybe uneducated.  Whether you are giving an oral presentation, interviewing for a summer internship or a job, meeting with a college recruiter, or engaging colleagues at a meeting, sounding self-assured and speaking articulately is paramount to being taken seriously.

The good news is that none of these disfluencies are pathological (although hearing five “likes” in your colleague’s or child's every sentence may seem so).   The way we speak - women and men alike - is behavioral and we could all use a little more awareness and intervention.

Top 10 Tips to Say it Like You Mean it!

Speaking articulately and with confidence is paramount to our success!  

I know you have heard me say that before:-).  But, at my recent panel presentation, I offered a top 10 list to Say it Like You Mean it.  I hope my audience found the list helpful and I wanted to share it here with my wonderful blog community.  

So here it is...And, if you'd like, please sign up to receive my blog via email...

10 Tips to:

Say it Like You Mean it!

1.     Be aware of your own verbal tics:  Do you say “like,” “ya know,” “whatever,” “totally,” etc.?  Hone in on what unnecessary words pepper your speech with mindless repetition and work on getting rid of them.

2.     Learn to brave the pause:  Instead of filling what should be empty spaces in our speech with “ummms” and “ahhs,” take a breath and allow yourself and your colleagues to absorb your thoughts and ideas.

3.     Speak with conviction and avoid “uptalk.”  The upward glide or “uptalk” that ends would-be statements in a question mark is often used by women to gain consensus and likeability, however, it does not inspire confidence.

4.     What happens in rehearsal ends up on stage:  Before an important interview or presentation, rehearse in front of a video camera.  You may be surprised at your own verbal crutches, and the videotape doesn’t lie.

5.     Find a great speech from an eloquent speaker (e.g. Hillary Clinton, Sheryl Sandberg, FDR) and read it aloud.  Hearing what good writing sounds like will reinforce good communication habits and help you develop your own voice.

6.     Avoid the baby voice trap:  To feign innocence, illicit sympathy and seem appealing to men, some women raise the pitch of their voices.  Don’t.

7.     Stop apologizing: Don’t be afraid to say what you want.  It is not necessary to start sentences with, “If you don’t mind,” or “I’m sorry, but…”

8.     Leave vocal fry to the Kardashians. Inspired by our celebrity stars, a new study finds that this pop-culture “creaky voice” that has found its way into our speech patterns may affect women’s chances of getting and keeping a job.   

9.     Enlist your own personal verbal coach: Yes, it will be irritating for both parties, but find someone you trust who is willing to call out your verbal tics, correct and refine them.  

10.  Keep your social media feeds clean: What you write on social media channels translates into how you are perceived.  Make sure your competence shines through in the written word as well.